Pi**ed Off

Dear Amy,
Husbands are like big children so how the heck do we get them to aim in the toilet bowl not the floor in the bathroom and how do we get them to pick up after themselves. i am really at a loss here. I was giving him M&M’s for each time he did something right but he is diabetic and he should not have chocolate. any help would be great.

Dear Jennifer,

I am confused: Were you giving your kids M&M’s, or your husband? If you gave your husband M&M’s and it did the trick, a billion+ ignorant wives should be kicking themselves in the ass right now for failing to recognize and utilize this simplistic fix. Husbands are like a box of chocolate: You never know what you’re going to get until it’s too late for an annulment. Sometimes they’re sweet: But they leave behind a big mess. And sometimes they’re just bittersweet. Sometimes they’re great: They help decorate, never leave a mess behind, love to go shopping with you, and you think you’ve died and gone to heaven, until they run off with another man. One thing is for certain: They DON’T pick up after themselves. Can’t help you there.

Not sure I can really help with the toilet bowl aim, either. That sort of thing is taught at a young age, debated by wives of all ages, and largely remains an unsolved mystery. Even Robert Stack peed on the toilet seat. I do, however, have a couple suggestions for comedy’s sake:

It worked for Nemo, and perhaps it will work for your kids, too. My kids believe their urine ultimately ends up in the Atlantic ocean, which is probably why they hate beach vacations. If your kids believed it, maybe their aim would improve.







“If you can’t beat ’em: Join ’em.” Choose either of these two models, and no one else will have to know the men in your life pee all over the seat.

And last but certainly not least, especially for you and all the blue-blooded fans out there, give them something you don’t mind them pissing on:

Michiganders drool and Buckeyes rule!

Go Bucks,

Dear Amy


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