Because even robot parents sometime just can’t take it…
(So… we grab coffee, or wine, or perhaps even crack. What do they do? Recharge their batteries? Stick their finger in a socket?)


Dinner Conversations

Matt: Dad, I don’t like the sauce on this chicken.
Dad: Well wipe it off then.
Matt: Will you wipe it off?
Dad: No. Try using your tongue to wipe it off.
Matt: OK.

Matt: … But that’s the worst school ever (Ohio State)!  
Dad: Ohio State? But dad went there…!
Mom: And mommy, too!
Matt: But it’s no fun there. (Long pause.) They don’t have trains. 

(Apparently we are raising a future Boilermaker. **sigh**)

Nate: Is Matt really going to go to Purdue?
Dad: Maybe. It’s a good school.
Mom: They have a good engineering program.
Matt: (Another long pause.) But do you have to wear button shirts?

Their college has been pre-selected.

Summer Prep

Ah… summer. Backyard BBQs. Fabulous Fireworks. Peed-in Public Pools.  Tumultuous Temperatures. 2 Bored Boys.

Summer is the time those uber-moms insist they can’t wait for, and teacher-moms debate which is worse: entertaining their own kids or tolerating 30 of them. We child-fearing moms start the count-down clock ’til summer ends and prepare for the worst.

How do we prepare? So glad you asked. Here is how I have ensured both my kids and I survive the summer:

-Pass to the zoo: Check
tarbucks travel mug with the cleverly concealed Bailey’s-dispensing inner decanter<==
ass to the closest pool: Check 
+Sun protection: Beer-dispensing baseball cap ripped off from one of those “stupid guy things” store with sunglasses to hide the effects of it’s usage
-Pass to the kid’s science museum: Check
+Six bottles of Mad Housewife
-Planned overnight stays with the local grandparents: Check
==>Starbucks travel mug with the cleverly concealed Bailey’s-dispensing inner decanter<==
-Planned week-long excursions with out-of-town grandparents, complete with Benadryl-induced quiet drive there and double Benadryl-induced quiet drive home: Check
+Six bottles of Five-hour energy drinks, Jolt cola, and some black market No-doze 
-Prolific assortment of crayons, coloring books, construction paper, markers, watercolors and sidewalk chalk: Check
+Six more bottles of Mad Housewife
-Profuse piles of books about Thomas the Tank Engine, Titanic, Little Einsteins, Phineas and Ferb, and Ninjago: Check
==>Starbucks travel mug with the cleverly concealed Bailey’s-dispensing inner decanter<==
-Preposterous amount of Legos in all shapes and sizes, littering the upper and lower floors, all instruction books missing: Check 
+Seven child-proof locks on the outside of the master bedroom, six on the inside, and five sets of whine-muffling ear-plugs
-Playstation & Wii games and all required game aids: Check 
+Six more bottles of Mad Housewife
-Pre-planned and pre-paid all-day week-long summer camps: Check
…and… finally… wouldn’t you know it…another Starbucks travel mug (with you-know-what)==>

So next time you peruse through my family photos, and you see several photos of women with glazed over facial expressions, it’s probably not a sorority function, but more likely me and my SAHM homeys during season who-knows-when of summer prep. And next time you think to yourself “Who is that crazy mom walking through the zoo with a scalding hot mug of coffee in 100-degree weather,” be sure not to judge, simply whip your own Starbucks travel mug with the cleverly concealed Bailey’s-dispensing inner decanter out from behind your back and raise your glass in a toast.

Play, Drink and Spin ’til we ALL fall down