Roboraid

Because even robot parents sometime just can’t take it…
(So… we grab coffee, or wine, or perhaps even crack. What do they do? Recharge their batteries? Stick their finger in a socket?)

Dinner Conversations

Matt: Dad, I don’t like the sauce on this chicken.
Dad: Well wipe it off then.
Matt: Will you wipe it off?
Dad: No. Try using your tongue to wipe it off.
Matt: OK.

Matt: … But that’s the worst school ever (Ohio State)!  
Dad: Ohio State? But dad went there…!
Mom: And mommy, too!
Matt: But it’s no fun there. (Long pause.) They don’t have trains. 

(Apparently we are raising a future Boilermaker. **sigh**)

Nate: Is Matt really going to go to Purdue?
Dad: Maybe. It’s a good school.
Mom: They have a good engineering program.
Matt: (Another long pause.) But do you have to wear button shirts?

Their college has been pre-selected.

Summer Prep

Ah… summer. Backyard BBQs. Fabulous Fireworks. Peed-in Public Pools.  Tumultuous Temperatures. 2 Bored Boys.

Summer is the time those uber-moms insist they can’t wait for, and teacher-moms debate which is worse: entertaining their own kids or tolerating 30 of them. We child-fearing moms start the count-down clock ’til summer ends and prepare for the worst.

How do we prepare? So glad you asked. Here is how I have ensured both my kids and I survive the summer:

-Pass to the zoo: Check
==>S
tarbucks travel mug with the cleverly concealed Bailey’s-dispensing inner decanter<==
-P
ass to the closest pool: Check 
+Sun protection: Beer-dispensing baseball cap ripped off from one of those “stupid guy things” store with sunglasses to hide the effects of it’s usage
-Pass to the kid’s science museum: Check
+Six bottles of Mad Housewife
-Planned overnight stays with the local grandparents: Check
==>Starbucks travel mug with the cleverly concealed Bailey’s-dispensing inner decanter<==
-Planned week-long excursions with out-of-town grandparents, complete with Benadryl-induced quiet drive there and double Benadryl-induced quiet drive home: Check
+Six bottles of Five-hour energy drinks, Jolt cola, and some black market No-doze 
-Prolific assortment of crayons, coloring books, construction paper, markers, watercolors and sidewalk chalk: Check
+Six more bottles of Mad Housewife
-Profuse piles of books about Thomas the Tank Engine, Titanic, Little Einsteins, Phineas and Ferb, and Ninjago: Check
==>Starbucks travel mug with the cleverly concealed Bailey’s-dispensing inner decanter<==
-Preposterous amount of Legos in all shapes and sizes, littering the upper and lower floors, all instruction books missing: Check 
+Seven child-proof locks on the outside of the master bedroom, six on the inside, and five sets of whine-muffling ear-plugs
-Playstation & Wii games and all required game aids: Check 
+Six more bottles of Mad Housewife
-Pre-planned and pre-paid all-day week-long summer camps: Check
…and… finally… wouldn’t you know it…another Starbucks travel mug (with you-know-what)==>

So next time you peruse through my family photos, and you see several photos of women with glazed over facial expressions, it’s probably not a sorority function, but more likely me and my SAHM homeys during season who-knows-when of summer prep. And next time you think to yourself “Who is that crazy mom walking through the zoo with a scalding hot mug of coffee in 100-degree weather,” be sure not to judge, simply whip your own Starbucks travel mug with the cleverly concealed Bailey’s-dispensing inner decanter out from behind your back and raise your glass in a toast.

Play, Drink and Spin ’til we ALL fall down