Happy New Year!

Where would the adventures of parenting Matt & Nate BE without sarcasm?

Where would the Adventures of Parenting Matt & Nate be without sarcasm?

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12 Days of Christmas

12DaysSorry, this one probably should have been published sooner. Christmas duties call, you know. Oh… and I’m guessing I don’t need to tell you the tune for Weird Amy’s latest creation: kinda speaks (sings) for itself. Enjoy!

🙂 On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me… a Fifty Shades of Grey pregnancy. fifty onesies

🙂 On the second day of Christmas my family gave to me… Two brainless pugs 2012-05-16_20-42-18_999

and a Fifty Shades of Grey pregnancy.

🙂 On the third day of Christmas my FIL gave to me… Three trips to the E.R. Two brainless pugs. And a Fifty Shades of Grey pregnancy.

🙂 On the fourth day of Christmas my SIL gave to me… Four cases of influenzaflu

Three trips to the E.R. Two brainless pugs. And a Fifty Shades of Grey pregnancy.

🙂 On the fifth day of Christmas my children gave to me… Five hours of grief! Four cases of influenza. Three trips to the E.R. Two brainless pugs. And a Fifty Shades of Grey pregnancy.

🙂 On the sixth day of Christmas my true friends gave to me… Six bottles of Mad Housewife. mad housewife6

Five hours of grief! Four cases of influenza. Three trips to the E.R. Two brainless pugs. And a Fifty Shades of Grey pregnancy.

🙂 On the seventh day of Christmas my unborn gave to me… Seven kicks to the bladder. baby in womb

One glass won’t hurt! Five hours of grief! Four cases of influenza. Three trips to the E.R. Two brainless pugs. And a Fifty Shades of Grey pregnancy.

🙂 On the eight day of Christmas my family gave to me… Eight more gray hairs. Ouch… that’s my ribs! Well… maybe two glasses. Five hours of grief! Four cases of influenza. Three trips to the E.R. Two brainless pugs. And a Fifty Shades of Grey pregnancy.

🙂 On the ninth day of Christmas my mom’s group baked for me… Nine thousand calories!RHFW 2012

Oh fudge, there’s another! I think I just peed myself. Someone call CPS! Shut-up you two! Four cases of influenza. Three trips to the E.R. Two brainless pugs. And a Fifty Shades of Grey pregnancy.

🙂 On the tenth day of Christmas my creditors gave to me… Ten months of bills. Are you sure this is diet? There’s too many to rip out! Why am I craving beets? Go play in traffic! Sneeze, sneeze, cough, cough. Three trips to the E.R. Two brainless pugs. And a Fifty Shades of Grey pregnancy.

🙂 On the eleventh day of Christmas carolers gave to me… an eleven-hour migraine carolers

Holy crap we spent too much! Low fat is not no fat! Time to buy more Nice ‘n’ Easy. Gestational diabetes my ass! Act your damn age! We’re outta Kleenex! Grandpa did it again. Two brainless pugs. And a Fifty Shades of Grey pregnancy.

🙂 On the twelfth day of Christmas Santa gave to thee… Twelve annoying toys. toys

Where are the Percocets? Friggin’ Toys ‘R’ Us! I’m so bloated. On a mom it’s not “distinguished.” I just peed myself again! We shouldda bought them coal. So much for flu shots! Ten dollars for a band-aid?! Zombie pugs! And a helluva “Laters, baby.”

Brusha brusha brusha…

Definition by Amy #21912: Aquamarine Blue – The permanent color of your childrens’ bathroom sink after continuously opting to spit out the ginormous glob of toothpaste after one single, solitary brush stroke. Lack of aquamarine blue serves as a strong indicator your child completely swallowed the toothpaste.

They must have added Aquafresh for a more artistic palette.

They must have added Aquafresh for a more artistic palette.