“My Bump”

Guess who’s back? Back again? Weird Amy’s back… Tell a friend. This post comes long overdue, and was inspired by another pregnant friend’s response when I told her I would need to bring my “baby bump” to her birthday party dinner. Of course, I must also give props to Will.i.am and my girl, Fergie: the BEP were quite the inspiration. So while we anxiously await the arrival of Baby P, check out some of the baby drama I’ve been going through:

MY BUMP [To the tune “My Humps” by the Black-Eyed Peas] fergie will.i.am
(c) 2013

What’s that makin’ your belly jump?
Belly jump inside that hump?
It’s my little baby’s rump,
Baby’s rump inside my bump.
My bump, my bump, my bump, my bump, my bump
My bump, my bump, my bump, my lovely baby bump (Check it out)

I took a “clear blue easy”‘
Cause I felt kinda queasy
It said that I was P G
Time fo’ another baby.
Belly bands and fat jeans,
Stretchy tops and stretch cream.
Fashion — I ain’t carin’
So my hubby’s shirts
Be wearin’.
He says I’m lookin’ sexy,
But I just wanna rest, please.
Piss myself when I sneeze,
Boobs are getting ob-scene.
Gettin’ fat and
Gettin’ mean
Start understandin’ something…

So fat, so fat, so fat, so fat
‘Dat my baby bump.
My bump, my bump, my bump.
My bump she’s got me…

She got me pukin'

She got me pukin’

She’s got me puking
(Oh) puking every friggin’ morning, and sometimes night.
She’s got me puking
(Oh) puking every friggin’ morning, warning: every morning.

So ‘dats what makin’ your belly jump?
Belly jump inside that hump?
You got it: It’s my baby’s rump,
Baby’s rump inside my bump.
What you gon’ do with all that bloat?
All that bloat inside ‘dat coat?
I ain’t gonna take no smokes,
Drink no wine, smoke no dope.
Cos of my bump (ha), my bump, my bump, my bump (what).
My bump, my bump, my bump (ha), my lovely baby bump (Check it out)

They say I’ve got that “glow,” bro,
Glad to have no flow, yo.
But hemorrhoids got to go, cause
I ain’t got no mo-jo.
Strangers touch my bump, bump.
Lookin’ at my hump, lump.
You can look but you can’t touch it,
If you touch it I’ma start some drama,
You don’t want no drama,
No, no drama, no, no, baby drama
Don’t want to hear your story,
Your P G’s too bor-ing,
I’m takin’ all the glory,
Me and my big bump.

My bump, my bump, my bump, my bump,
My bump, my bump, my bump, my bump, my bump, my bump.
My lovely baby bump (hump)
My lovely baby bump (hump)
My lovely baby bump (hump)
My gettin’ fatter bump (hump)
My baby got me,

baby bladder

She’s got me pissin’.
(Oh) Dancin’ on my bladder, bladder, it’s sucha crime.
She’s got me pissin’.
(Oh) Pissin’ every time I sneeze, every time, time.

How you goin’ to stop that jump?
Stop that jump inside that bump?
She gonna come out like a lump,
Screamin’, wailing, red-faced lump.
What you gon’ do with all that fat?
All that fat that really sucks?
I’ma gonna get a tummy tuck
Tummy tuck, tummy tuck.
What you gon’ do without your bump?
When that rump has left your hump?
I’ma get, get, get, get real drunk,
Stay up late ‘n pump and dump.
What you gon’ do wit baby girl?
Baby girl wit’ all that curl?
I’ma gonna treat her like a pearl
Like a pearl, pearl, like a pearl.

(U-huh, u-huh, u-huh, u-huh) [x4]

Comin' dis April

Comin’ dis April

Now she’s not kickin’.
(No) kickin’ on my belly, shakin’, like some belly, jelly.
Now I be spendin’.
(Oh) Spendin’ all my money on she, on she, all on she.

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