“Shark bait: Hoo-hah-hah! Shark bait: Hoo-hah-hah!” – Finding Nemo

Parenting Success 101: Letting your sons watch the first thirty minutes of Jaws. Explaining convincingly & whole-heartily that the shark specifically went after the little boy on the yellow raft because he didn’t listen to his mother, who told him not to go back in the water. Assuring them that sharks use their “sonar” to detect the tastiest morsels of selective hearing and parental disobedience.

  • Matt (after said explanation): “I promise I’ll listen from now on. I don’t want to be six and die. I want to at least turn, like, seven first.”
He should have listened to his mother.

He should have listened to his mother.

Parenting Success 201: Letting them also watch the scene where the two local yahoos attempt to catch the shark off the dock with a roast and a prayer. Explaining that the man only escaped the “shark dock” swimming after him because he was a fast swimmer from all those lessons he took when he was a boy. Re-iterating that you only had to be able to swim faster than the person behind you, who probably has a history of not listening to his parents.

  • Matt (after said explanation): “I can swim faster than Nate. I’m fast and I wanna keep taking swim lessons.”
  • Nate (after said explanation): “Can I take swim lessons again?”
"Just keep swimming." - Dori, Finding Nemo

“Just keep swimming.” – Dori, Finding Nemo

Stay tuned for descriptions of 301, 401 and 501 (for the life-long student of non-listening).