5 Weird Unfashionable Trends Seen on my Boys

Okay. I’m the absolute first to admit I don’t have much fashion sense. Any really. I go for comfort: not image. Think Anne Hathaway at the start of The Devil Wears Prada. As a matter of fact, shortly after I graduated college, I lived for 2+ years with two housemates who worked in clothing retail and that, my readers, are the only years I looked properly put together. Namely because my housemates wouldn’t let me out of the house looking like…well…a train wreck. devil-wears-prada_0

Still…I’ve read enough Glamour and Jane to know when things just don’t look right. Or are plain wrong. And this is what I. Just. Don’t. Get. about my boys:

 

  1. My boys won’t wear jeans. Okay… this one I understand the most. They say they’re uncomfortable. I whole-heartedly disagree, but at least they have a reason. About the only times I can force the boys into jeans are when they’re required for a school performance, when they’re camping, or when the grandparents are accompanying us to mass. And by the way, I’m sure all the moms out there understand how frigging’ easy it is for boys of any age to put a hole in the knee of track pants.
  2. My boys won’t wear long sleeves unless they’re sweatshirts. It’s perfectly acceptable to them to wear short-sleeve T-shirts no matter what the season or occasion. What does this mean exactly? It means in winter they each wear their 4 or 5 sweatshirts over and over and over again (along with their 5 or 6 track pants). It means they each have closets full of really nice long-sleeve T-shirts. Largely unworn. With the tags on. Note to my family readers: Don’t buy the boys long-sleeves. Ever.
  3. My boys can’t seem to match their socks to their clothes. One is big into the brightly colored socks. Brightly. Colored. I just don’t get it: If you wear track pants and a red t-shirt, why wouldn’t you wear your bright red socks? Because he also has bright neon green socks, too. And also, if you have tons of new bright socks as well as new socks from Christmas, why do you keep wearing your stand-bye smelly, fugly, hole-y socks that you take back out of the garbage if I throw out? And then there’s Thing 1: His socks are all over the house. Everywhere but the hamper. So it’s really not my fault that when he wears all dark clothes, all of his black socks aren’t clean and he’s relegated into white ones.

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    The epitome of fashion: short-sleeves (in January), track pants and super neon socks.

  4. One boy won’t wear button shirts. If I pull one out of the closet for a wedding or school picture it’s accompanied by screaming and full-on rage mode. Rage mode is quite scary. It’s like he remembers when he was a baby that I wouldn’t put him in buttons for fear one would come off and he’d choke on it. And 10+ years later he still hasn’t forgotten this baby tip. Buttons to Thing 2 are like styrofoam to Bolt.
  5. The other boy thinks it’s perfectly acceptable to walk out of the house in five wildly clashing shades of blue. Or four different colors of camouflage. I get that in girls, particularly toddlers and pre-schoolers, mis-matched patterns are often stylish. Especially that ill-colored but totally necessary tutu fashion accessory. But not on boys. I can’t stand it when he leaves the house looking like he’s going out hunting but first wants the deer to be scared off bellowing.

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So there you go: my top 5. If I thought even longer and harder about it, I could probably come up with at least ten more. But if I don’t get this post published soon, I never will. I will thank the recent snow-pocalypses for giving me two extra minutes to get this done. And by the way, as I sit here typing, I am wearing jeans, a green sweatshirt (because, after all, it is February) and matching socks with green on them. Because I don’t roll like my homies.

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