“All About That Bass” – MY version

So… if you don’t know who Meghan Trainor is by now, then I guess your kids are not “all about that bass” as much as mine are. Hell… ‘lil Peyton is so obsessed with the song that I have to sing it to her before naps, bouncing her in the air on each word “treble” as we walk to her room (Did I mention she doesn’t sleep in a closet any more?). It’s the only fail-safe way I can guarantee she won’t go screaming into the crib. So when you’re singing the song as much as I do, and you fashion yourself as the female Weird Al, naturally you can’t help but create your own version. Related to your kids, of course. And before you ask: Is this strictly for everyone’s entertainment value? Well…yes! But it is true I had a cleaning lady “fire” our house. (Oh the shame of it!) My current girl probably only keeps the job ’cause she has six slobs of her own in one of those Carol-meets-Mike-Brady-type families. So here goes that mess:

“All About That Mess”
copyright 2014

Because you know I’m all about that mess,
‘Bout that mess, no cleanin’
I’m all about that mess, ’bout that mess, no cleanin’
I’m all about that mess, ’bout that mess, no cleanin’
I’m all about that mess, ’bout that mess (mess…mess…mess)

Yeah it’s pretty clear, I have three kids at home
Enough toys to fill up the friggin’ Superdome
I’ve got a vac-cuum, but no social graces
All the cheap crap in all the wrong places.
I see those perfect ones cleaning up their shit
We know you beat them kids vaccuum mom
Come now, look at my pit
Ain’t no Susie-Q didn’t raise ’em right
Just a filthy slobby mommy
And my time ain’t worth their fight.

You know a housekeeper said that she could not clean up our house?
‘Cause if she did then each time she would feel the strong need to de-louse.
Too many Legos, hot wheels, grease-covered toys and stuffed dolls,
So, you germ-a-phobe white-glove-type mommies
Just move along.

Because you know I’m all about that mess,
‘Bout that mess, no cleanin’
I’m all about that mess, ’bout that mess, no cleanin’
I’m all about that mess, ’bout that mess, no cleanin’
I’m all about that mess, ’bout that mess  (Hey)

joe's apartmentI’m bringing Joe’s Apartment back
Singin’ roaches that have got the knack
Enough spilled Cheerios to make them fat,
I’m here to tell you when your kids are full of grime
A slimy roach has got the time.

You know a housekeeper said that she could not clean up our house?
‘Cause if she did then each time she would feel the strong need to de-louse
Too many Legos, hot wheels, grease-covered toys and stuffed dolls,
So, you germ-a-phobe white-glove-type mommies
Just move along…ooooooou!

Because you know I’m all about that mess,
‘Bout that mess, no cleanin’
I’m all about that mess, ’bout that mess, no cleanin’
I’m all about that mess, ’bout that mess, no cleanin’
I’m all about that mess, ’bout that mess (repeat 3xs)

hey hey yeah yeah ….oooooooou!

boy

“Cleaning the house while the kids are still growing is like shoveling the drive when the snow is still blowing.” – Famous quote by some mom who gets it.

 

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